Dog-faced haters

Looks like my blog has some effect on critics. There are people who, in the name of fun and humor take things like these well and then there are those who simply can't deal with it. It creates that nauseatic feeling in their hungry stomachs, that they simply want to get back at you. They resort to abuses, threats & even worse, cowardly incognito identities, cos they're too scared for a real confrontation & somehow try to bring you down.

What commoners fail to acknowledge is the fact that Truth can be harsh & that a blog is a private space for a person to express their views. You either love it or hate it. You cannot change an individual's perception UNLESS you're one of the person being written about and somehow wanna cover up your face. You so want everything to disappear, cos Its pinching your half-ass guts. Haters will forever live & so will lovers of truth & humor.

My message to such folks - Don't burn your blood reading about yourself or someone close to you. Grow up and have a laugh. If you can't, then take your wet pants & go to hell. Plenty of fire to keep you warm there. ROFLMAO.

The vibrant side of the circus

This is more of a part 2 of the previous entry. Some people are blessed with stupendous imagination, some, like me on the other hand have a twisted one. Fruits of temporary unemployment calls for another update ! Ever happened to you that you see different forms of people through your mental eye? They resemble some or the other person you have met in your life and you often associate them with those people... or even things. So, I am going to list down a few people I previously worked with and who they resembled to me. Get set:

• THE CHIMP: I am talking of no one but my closest neighbour - Queen Bee. Let's do this in chronological order. I did mentioned the lady needed a nose job. I was also working on this project about apes and often the thought crossed my mind that WOW ! Those strong and naturally endowed creatures. They made a movie on them and I am sitting right next to one. 

• BETAAL Most Indians would be aware of this TV series that aired on Doordarshan back in early 90's.  The show was popularly known as "Vikram & Betaal". I am not talking of the prince with jewelry but the strange looking creature behind him. Notice how fair he appears, a silver version of Goldie locks ? Now, all you do is imagine that creature with Jet black hair & skin tone. Voila ! You got the hand of the Queen Bee. You can add a couple warts and zits as per your whims and fancies.Oh please go ahead and be generous.

 Now let us proceed to the lesser mortals who fought and are fighting the battle like homeless soldiers.

• PUFFER FISH. This wasn't totally my idea but the idea of a friend and colleague who I believe is born with an even more twisted imagination compared to mine. We were bored to death and decided to use google images to kill it. My previous posts do mention the 'Hairy penguin'. The Penguin has many guises. And this one, to the best of my knowledge, is the most appropriate description of the Hairy Mary. Round and stout (In short, I meant to say FAT, yeah that's right). Awww, isn't she cute ? I feel like using her for a game of ball with my imaginary dog, right now. Only thing different about this picture is YOU CAN'T HOLD THE HAIRY MARY IN YOUR HANDS. Maybe you can, If you were Gulliver in the land of the Giants. 

• COCKATOO : We always have a case of the stud out of high school, with low waist jeans, very creative hair-do's, trying hard to be the eye candy, lots of extra hair gel, Ego that is bigger than the size of their dicks etc What If they one fine day decide to gain some more attention and go get a Mohawk ? My best answer - They look like a cockatoo. That's right, a Cockatoo. Don't you find similarities in the hair-do ? C'mon. Get creative ! I'll show you how. I started calling him cockatoo. Imagine a world where you could call people by whatever names they reminded you of ? Won't that be considered free will ? "Hey cockatoo, how are you today ? Wanna gran some munchies off of my palms ? Here, Let me taste it for ya...". Tellin' ya! They copied the cockatoo.

An average human sporting a Mohawk

Now - Look at the beautiful creation of the all mighty. See for yourself the similarities.

•  CHANAKYA:   Who is the next victim you may ask ? This is a lady who is everywhere, at all times, making her presence felt every now and then at the most expected places like the Pantry for free biscuits, cafeteria for dinner (the first in line), the ladies powder room (wonder why they call it so) and last but not the least, your thoughts. Rumor has it that she wears a wig to work. Also, I am sure in her other personal activities. I don't mean to be rude here, even though chances are that I am acting out to be rude, but there was something about the baldness. It wasn't until I saw this image at an after hour party at a friends place, couple months back that It struck me. There she was ! She would look exactly like this without the wig on. I am not sure on the pigtail part yet.

• THE GRINCH:  If you'd ask me to pick a twin for Hairy Penguin AKA Puffer fish, This would be it. The Grinch. That grim looking haggard of a character that has grown so close to our hearts by now. Mention Christmas and you can't miss out on the Grinch. What does the Grinch do during the rest of the year ? Simple. Grinch works for my previous employer :-D I can recall on the days when I wondered what was wrong with her? Why does she always look so mad ? Is it me ? Later, I came to terms with the facts that, It's not me. That's how she is. And let us now honor her in my exclusive Hall of fame. Kiss me God !  

Trust me this is no joke. All the people I mentioned this to took a few minutes of careful examination and finally agreed with the fact, that the person bears a strikingly close resemblance.

• YODA: They call her the mouse. They also call her "weirdly strange", a term I still haven't understood fully. And I call her - YODA. Why the wisdom filled Yoda, you may ask ? It's not the Wisdom. Has anybody took a close look at Yoda's aesthetics ? She's tiny, puny, weirdly strange nose, weirdly strange eyes and before you turn back to take another look at her exotic beauty, she's gone. Oh no ! You have to look down. I told you she's small. A pleasant chic who has a flair for sweet talking. So much sweetness can get to your nerves and you wonder, why me ?  What did I deserve to be blessed with all this sweetness? Her most favorite line from the depths of my memories - Hey Hun !. That's right. Everybody is a hun. Everybody seems like the hot cross bun to our lady who views life with rose tinted glasses. 

• GOLLUM: Let's be quick about Gollum. The person I am talking of thoroughly enjoys gossips, is utterly vicious, will go to any lengths to get back at a person and has been slogging her ass of for peanuts and getting nowhere, just like the rest of the slaves in that dungeon. Now, add some hair to this creature please. Isn't it strange how some people are amazingly short of hair and some are blessed with abundance ?

:

• THE BAUS - VIPER: Wow ! Time really flies by. I wish I could recall a few more participants of the circus for you. But I am going to end this post (which will earn me a lot of hatred and synonyms from people) with the Baus. Strangely, I am not the only one who gave her this name. 90 % of the people in our department address her as the viper and It is an apt one. The Vicious Viper. That classic line - We need to talk - not only scares cheating spouses, but also helpless employees. Especially when It comes from The Baus and even worse If you've got the brainless but petrifying one. And what you get after that is 30-60 minutes of non stop verbal diarrhea, that was intended to make you feel lowly, unwanted, rejected - in short - the scum of the earth. And after the Viper spews her venom, she ends the book of bullshit with a nice note in the end - Do you have any questions ? To which an average employee wonders - What just happened here ? and responds with a quick - No. Suddenly you see a smile on her pale blood sucked face. Its the smirk of victory. Victory over lesser mortals to show them the right place. The wave of superiority taking her over in her delusional head. Making her feel like the unconquerable. I don't have to tell you how some people thrive on attention and forceful respect that they dont earn but beg for.

I am sure all these people must mean something to someone in their lives and that they might not be as bad as I think they are. But we all see different sides to a person. I also understand, If you'd really hate me for this. I have a thought and there comes the urge to express. I love introducing people through my eyes. I'll be back with some more ;-)

Digital Circus

The good day is here ! And why is it a good day ? Because I finally got to get out of my sickeningly boring desk job as a subtitle editor, for more than a year. It feels like doing time or you can also say, community service and then finally seeing the sun. I always thought I made a mistake pursuing flying as a career. Being a flight attendant was boring and you didn’t really have much to do but simply fly to places. I flew domestic for three years. Then I settled for the worse job of my life. Now, I feel, It wasn’t worse, In fact It opened my eyes to appreciate how good my previous job was. 

I worked at a place where you get paid peanuts to sit in the same place and labor for hours with no extra pay. A place where you work under dumb bitches, who have no life and no face. Where being a guy pays off. If you’re a dude and you enjoy flirting with your managers, taking them out on rides on weekends, cracking crappy jokes, you get promotions and earn rewards with only a few months of service. Where, you’re managers torture you like they own you to finish up work. Where all that men are looking forward to is getting women laid and vice versa. Where people don’t have a future and the only one’s who do, don’t have a life so they toil for years and then become managers. Not because they’re hardworkers, but because of their servile nature to take shit and lick asses. Also, importantly, because they were the only one’s who decided to stay when rest of the people decided It was enough. 

 

Whew ! Really frustrated I was you must think ? Yes I was. And there are still people working there, who are as much frustrated but don’t know what to do about it. I still recall this incident where I was flooded with so much work that I started stressing out. I was working 14-15 hours continuously at a stretch, with a pat on the back next day, from this grim and ugly looking Team lead – Hey Good job! Then I couldn’t take it anymore and I finally complained. And guess what happens when you complain ? My puny and pale looking manager doesn’t know how to deal with this and says – It’s because you are taking too many breaks. Wow ! So, she was keeping a tab on my breaks sitting inside a cabin all day ? Or was it when she was spending time talking to those boys half her age who were busy lacing her up with false flattery to get ahead of their career. 

 Now, here’s another incident which is very funny. I finally decide to let the cat out of the bag about my new job and plans to quit. So, I enter the cabin and tell her – hey, I got a new job offer. I know she shouldn’t be so happy about it, after the high rate of attrition the department  was experiencing. But guess what I get to hear ? Instead of wishing me well with a fake smile, I get lessons on honesty, integrity and disappointment. Seriously ! Our country needs such speeches, our politicians need to hire these mangers, for they hold the key to all the answers that can eradicate the root of all evil holding back the progress of this country. She calls me a backstabber and a dishonest person. All because I looked out for myself and got a better job that is going to pay me 3 times atleast of what she is earning? And then, another strategy comes into play. According to her,  my future employer, might go down in a year and I might be left with no job. Seriously ? I thought I was getting somewhere with Tarot reading. But this woman was born with a crystal ball in her brain. Speaking of balls, she’s got them at the wrong place anyway.

They changed my place of seating to make me sit right behind the right hand of the Queen with no crown. Assistant manager. Double whammy ! Imagine hearing about biscuits, dresses, travel trips & utter bullshit coming out of a woman who needs a nose job ? And there’s the team lead. Another lady who seriously has personality development issues. Remember how there’s one geek in every class, who failed in the looks department but is a studious, hard worker ? Jesus ! I can go on and on and on and on.

And you don’t even know about the people. I've already mentioned some cases previously in this blog. The Hooker girl disposing birth control tablet wrappers in the dustbin; Music man - He suffered food poisoining and quit the place soon; Ape man - Throwing mucous around through the cab window, hairy penguin and so on. One guy blogs about how he met a chic and writes some exaggerated version of the story, to gain some brownie points. A metal head. Guess his brain fell off head banging. Another guy who thrived there for almost 7 years and I pretty much think, tried boning all the chics there were in the years, starts buying gifts for girls to please them. I remember he asked me out right after boning a girl who was a friend of mine. And then he says – I never got rejected in my life from any dame. And trust me, nothing pleased me more than rejecting his sorry ass. Most women are ugly. The few who are pretty birds are chased by these wolves and eventually, most of the times, get hunted and raped. Bang ! You’re done.

 And then there are the Pot smokers. 90% f the people consists of pot smokers. Guys who never made it anywhere in life, got hold of some stash, go blow it on every break, come back stoned and sit glued to their monitors. And the management, I believe, knows about this and does nothing. Why? ‘Cos 90% of their job is done by these pot smokers. I always wanted to blog about it but couldn’t. ‘Cos I was working for them. And now that I don’t. I feel obliged to share my wisdom and knowledge. 

So, here I am ! Free as a bird to spread my wings and fly. And I hope I never have to work in a place like that again K Tata !

Birds of the same feather flock together? Maybe Not !

It's been so long since I last wrote. Lots of things have been keeping me busy, as usual and there have been so many things to blog about :D It's a beautiful sunday afternoon, spent home with my folks and some Diana krall in the background. The song I'm listening to is called "Let's fall in love". I love Diana's vocals. And speaking of falling in love, we have two candidates, who would put this song to shame. I think I've introduced you to these two charismatic and youthful personalities, who've left an indelible mark in my memories. I am talking of none other than "The Music man" and "The BFF". Now, that's a match made in heaven. One whines all day and the other sings all day. Just imagine putting these two in the same room. History would recreate itself. It's like a frog in a bottle with a leaf.


So, what's been happening? Following all the rejection music man's been experiencing and all the criticism the "BFF" lady has been facing (I called off all forms of communications with her, God bless me), looks like these two found love (or, maybe not) in a hopeless place. They started hanging out together. So, he talks to her about artists that she's never heard of and probably will never, unless she's drunk, in which case he'd get lucky and he keeps giving her some mature advise on how to sort her life out. Sees like, he'd been asking her about her favorite flowers and favorite places to eat. Which made her day dream about him and view life through rose-tinted glasses. AND... here's my favorite part, It also turned out later that this guy was randomly talking to other women, asking for their favorite flowers and what not. I, on the other hand, ordered KFC at work the other day and since his appetite for food is strong, besides playing Romeo, we ordered together. And guess what ? He asks me for my favorite flower and says whenever I am upset, he'd get me those. So, I said - Okay, I like sunflowers, get me one now. Now, we know how some people talk of travelling the moon, the sun, the stars and milky way, there's no way he could find sun flowers here. So, I started mocking him every time he passed by - Hey, Where are my sun flowers ? I need them, right now. Didn't you say you'd get me those? :P Pardon me, But I love a challenging conversation.

"Goddamn It ! Next time, I'll give them girls choices. Where the heck do I find a Sun flower now ?!"

Apparently, miss Sunshine didn't like the thought of this and was raging with anger. How could a guy turn out to be so true and incredible, then go around saying the same things to other girls? Why couldn't she be the special one ? Why oh Why ? So, she did what she does best. Try talking to me and say, That guy is a jerk. Wow ! Really ? Sorry, I was born today. I didn't know, Miss.

 I really got annoyed of her cluttered conversation that took place between us all the time. I am tired of being stopped when I am heading for a quick smoke break by this girl and being bored to death with talks of how her boyfriend is mistreating her, who she now wants to sleep with to get back at him. I always felt, you need to hear the other person out. But, I didn't know God would test my thoughts by putting me in a situation from where, there's no coming back. So, I had a talk with a few good men (some of my good friends) and their honest advise to me was to be frank and tell her that I do not wanna hear or have anything to do with topics related to her boyfriend. Now, I know we ought to be sensitive towards other people's emotions and feelings, but imagine day in and day out, you get to hear only about one guy in this world, who in short, through the clear logic of your head is a total douchebag, or, atleast that's how she's portrayed him and always discuss her favorite topic - HER !


So, I started avoiding her. Having minimal talks. Just when she starts, I cut her in between and start talking of something else like the weather. I think Its called giving one the taste of their own medicine. She turned out to be clever enough to notice this and ask me the reason why I've been ignoring her. Hmmm, I know I sounded so cold and cunning, but come on, you gotta be honest about what you feel, right ?

 So, I am hoping that this is where the "F" from the "BFF" comes to an end.As far as being honest is concerned, Honesty IS the best policy ;-) (Saved my ass)

Music - The way to a woman's heart !

I've closely observed the ways men adopt to woo a woman or ask her out on a date. These days It's a rarity to see the old traditional way of exchanging letters or politely asking someone out for a cup of coffee. Atleast, I think so. But I never thought someone would use Music as a way to get through, until I met - Music Man !

Why Music man ? Hmmm, for starters, I don't see people more often singing out loud in public while taking a walk or passing you by, unless of course, you're an aficionado. So, I met this guy at work, who has been extremely sweet and sensitive towards most of his colleagues. Such a nice trait in such hard times. You sit there and wonder, how on earth are you going to finish all the dump of a work load in front of you and murmur and then hear a voice from the background keeping you going with an old philoophical dialog, probably from Plato, passing through your ears. God ! Was that you ??? No ! It's the tall, hunky, music man trying to serenade you with his witty comebacks. Oh brother ! Really ?

I tried to avoid talking to this guy simply 'cos he didn't fascinate me in anyway and was rather coming across as a show-off, attention seeking jerk. So, how does he start a conversation ? Music ! First, he tries to determine what kind of music you listen to. Second, he starts naming all the commercial and a few unknown bands to catch your attention and then embarass wikipedia by covering their discography in a few minutes. Impressive ! So, with me, the question was about Chris Cornell. Have you heard of this artist called Chris Cornell ? Previously played for Sound Garden and then switched to... Okay ! Wait up ! I know who Chris Cornell is and I've been a fan. "Damn, that didn't work".

Now, he tries to force me into listening to some song about being sad and lonely and still having a good time. Supposedly, his shower favorite. I couldn't decide If I really needed that bit of an info, really, but thanks. Don't get me wrong when I say this about men, I am not trying to be a cold hearted woman, brushing away potential suitors, If potential suitors were to come along. So, music didn't work, lets start with food. Now he asks me If I've tasted Japanese food. Japanese food isn't easily available on Indian streets selling like hot cakes and most of my weekends are spent doing more simple things like perhaps, catching up with a few friends for some beer ? So, Nope ! Nah-uh ! No Japanese food on my menu. So, Bingo ! There you go ! What better way to hit on a chic than ask her out for some Japanese food with subtle hints of going Dutch. I was kinda taken aback for a moment. Here's Mac daddy, who barely knew me for 15 minutes, during a random smoke break and now, the matters drifted to japanese food and asking a girl out with circumlocutory statements.

Finally, what did it was the fact that when I went up to my Team lead to speak about the updates for the day, he, seated on the opposite side of the cubicle, starts singing loudly. What just happened ? Did they plan on entertaining the entire team with some karaoke in the house ? And It's really funny to hear other men around saying, "That boy just loves singing". Soon, Robert Jr wants to comment on this seemingly exciting topic at a mundane work place and joins in by adding, "Oh yeah ! I've always noticed how much he's in love with music". I stood there taking everything in and wanting to just finish with giving my updates for the day and getting the hell out of there. There was no way I was going to taste Japanese anytime soon :D

And now, let's not forget, the man's a good resource to share your new business around. I got a link on my communicator ID to check out some random band stuff started by one of his friends. The true loyal advertising friend. With friends like these, you really don't need publicity and a bill board.

Wow ! Men, those surprising creatures make me wonder sometimes with all the lame tactics they pull off just to get a date. And now, everytime the douchebag looks at you, he waves his hand out. Everybody around now knows, we're friends. We're talking. We're on. He was just trying to be nice, you might say, but I guess my book of lame-ass suitors is full by now and I have gathered enough experience to gauge where things are headed.

Okay guys ! Japanese food and naming old rock'n'roll stars is not going to get you lucky If the chic you're running after has finished her degree in Rock'nRoll. Get inventive. I'm just saying, a decent force-less approach, with that attention seeking attitude kept at minimum might have sounded good for starters. Another element of surprise in my everyday life. By the way, have you heard the Beth Hart version of Sinner's Prayer ? If not, then you gotta check it out. I'm not going to sing it to persuade you, but definitely recommend it for a good listen on a lazy afternoon with some scotch and the mindset to accommodate bluesy rock. We don't have to do Japanese food either, for you to consider it a good recommendation :D

Oh well ! They really try so hard sometimes, don't they? Sigh !

Ever heard of "Mucous Man"?

Looking out for some fresh topics and weirdo people. But wait ! Who say's their weirdos? Me !!! Oh yeah right ! So, this is solely based on my opinion of someone and the way I perceive them.

Indian summer can really get nasty sometimes and you feel it the most, If you have to travel in the afternoon, packed in a 9 seater cabs, with your only hope being the slow passing wind, If you're lucky enough to get the window seat. As the case always is, I ride shotgun 'cos I love riding shotgun ! We had a new member, amidst the boring hum-drum of those cab drives, where my only rescue happens to be my Mp3 player. A Tall, bulky, dark man with heavily receding hairline, spectacles, a well fed belly and a passion for jerking off in the cab, joins us, while we wait outside an employees door for the pick up. For a moment I thought I was hallucinating but then, you can't blame a person who's watched porn the previous night, now can you ?

Where does my problem start ?

My problems starts with his crappy behaviour of wearing the extreme chauvinistic facade and unwilling to adjust. A few days pass by and we notice women who sat next to him having all sorts of problems. Some complained, he touched (rather, tries) to touch them. I witnessed this too where he keeps falling off on the person next to him, especially when It's a woman. Women started sitting right behind the uncomfortable side of the cab and I am guessing, were slowly developing this detest towards his unbending and inconsiderate attitude.

One day, we politely asked him to take the back seat and make room for the ladies. I know we're not living in those times where men practised chivalry as a birthright. But then, he reluctantly agreed and later got stubborn saying he won't sit behind. CAUTION ALERT !! He'd already earned the hatred. This followed a complaint to the transport manager, who besides sharing his sympathies with us, gave us false assurance to fix the matter. The matter wasn't fixed. There were talks and rumors about him. People spoke outright that he's being a dickhead.

"Whatcha gonna do with all that ass, all that ass inside them pants ? 

he's gonna make make make you scream ! Make you scream ! 

His humps, his humps, his humps, 

His crazy big fat bums

Check it out !!!"

Say, anybody recall that song yet ? I think I've heard it before !

One crazy afternoon we were waiting for this gigantic and talkative woman right outside her house. Charlie starts shaking his legs continuously. The cab started shaking and I was getting annoyed. It reached a point where I turned around and said, "Can you please stop shaking. I feel like this cab is masturbating and we'll be thrown out?" He started laughing loud and heavy, like this was the best one liner he heard in his lifetime. But he still wouldn't listen.I mean, WTF, don't you get the point ?

Here's what makes me think ! Don't did these men realise how important public etiquette is ? especially when you're surrounded by women ? He makes a loud sound trying to accumulate all that mucous in his mouth after a few times of coughing and out on the road goes his shit ! I know It sounds so gross, but just imagine having to deal with it everyday ? I choose some rock'n'roll instead of his lung cry.

Always knew this should be the ideal way for you to travel Charlie ! You're space, your time and those lil water creatures getting all inquisitive to figure out, what that sticky gooey shit coming out of the big fat turd above, really is ! 

Here's a piece of advise to young balding, bulky and ugly looking men (sorry ! truth is harsh) - Get your lungs checked and carry a hankie around when you know you're going to disgust people around you with your little lung excavation. Stop shaking in the cab like you're jerking off and most important, learn to be courteous and make adjustments. This is a big turn off !

 

On altruistic notes, Never too late to exercise ;-) Go Get them Calories, Fatass !

The "Hairy" Penguin

This is no penguin I'm talking of here. Just another ordinary human being with an extra-ordinary appetitie for food and gossip. I am talking of none other than a colleague, who manages to piss me off more than anyone, by her long -never-getting-to-the-point conversations. She loves beating around the bush, come to your cubicle and suddenly start a conversation about 'office politics', right when you order some delicious cheese burst Pizza or barbecued chicken. Even on days when I experience the munchies and open the wrapper off of my chocolate bar, she's there !

You might wonder why call her a Penguin, those beautiful endangered creatures of the snow ? She was very fond of a penguin name mentioned in a movie called "Mr. Popper's Penguins" - Gentoo. I don't really know If It's "GEN-too" or "JEN-too". But nevertheless, It's a friggin' funny name. She kept repeating that name like atleast a dozen times in one of her conversations and VOILA ! It was invented. I  just personalize and call her - Gentoo. 

Round & stout, approximately 5'2 inches, pronounced tummy, lots of hair (not just on the scalp, mind you) and pink bunny shoes with multi-colored socks. That's our lady ! One of the most slowest and hard working employees of our department, who seldom get's any appreciation for it and is still, like the rock of Gibraltar, patiently giving in more input without much output.

My problem with her? Nothing ! That's the problem I guess. Well, No ! This isn't really a problem but I think It's very disturbing to see her not paying any attention to her body. Especially, the face. She has a nice chubby face which is covered with hair all over. I'm talking moustache, cheeks, eye brows and white heads. Seriously ! I always ask myself in the head, what is stopping these women from paying a few bucks on self maintenance? Then there are those days when the deodorant simply fails. You should sue those ad agencies for giving you wrong hopes on publicizing the message of "Reduced body odor" on TV, radio, etc How can they let down people with problems. Real big problems !

Another thing I find annoying about this person. She simply can't find her way to the point ! Why do conversations and every message she has to send across turns out to be a case of going round the Mulberry bush ? You ask her how to resolve "A" and she take you on a time travel by offering a free tour of the "Why "A" should be the solution. Some people really test your patience, you know. And you have to sublimate your sinister thoughts of grabbing the nearest object and landing a blow on their comprehensive brain, erupting with those zig zag, puzzled thinking.

If there's one thing I would like to strongly advise women, through this small platform, It would be to just take a break, make an hour's worth of time for yourself during any given day and go to a beauty saloon. It doesn't cost much to make yourself look... more CIVILIZED? You don't need those extra hair growing under your arms like a man. They're better off with it. Let's not copy their style. Those legs CAN look sexy If you try. For starters, you can get a razors. Most of the population is blessed with fully functional nostrils. Don't you women just love spending some EXTRA-long time in the shower ? It's fun. It's pampering your senses, It's bringing out the divine Goddess in you... Unleash the power ! Okay ! In short - It's fun to bathe. So, get that razor on and pour some exotic Elemi scented shower gel on your loofas and get going. Hope this in some ways helps reduce the amount of unwanted hair on human body.

P.S. Forgot to add, Bleaching works good for facial hair. FYI. 

STOP GIVING THESE POOR ANIMALS A COMPLEX AND GET A SHAVE !

Office Poli'TICKS' me off

This is probably one of the reasons why, I guess, Radiohead's song - Creep - peaked to popularity, especially amongst the depressed, frustrated and rejected. And Metal community is experiencing a rise in their fan following.

I've never experienced "Office politics", until I joined my current employer, almost a year ago. Nice place, fun crowd, friendly people all around and a women-dominated surrounding. I used to think that working at a place dominated by women is a GOOD thing. They're going to be more sympathetic and understanding. But wait ! That's not true at all. Oh well ! Looking at most of their faces, they ought to feel lucky to have a guy just take a look at 'em. No kidding !

My problems started when two chipmunks outta college joined our department. I, personally, have nothing against them. But, ever since these two made it to work with us, women in the managerial positions have been acting crazy. These two dipshits are always talking, eating, farting (It's a natural human tendency, I know they do) and passing on one liners at them. This scores them brownie points in trying to convince the managers to take extra days off, walk into the office late like every alternate day and worse of all, get those monthly appreciation awards. Some of us haven't even been nominated for almost 11 months now and these two just walk in and grab a monetary voucher every now and then.

Naturally, I must be sounding like a frustrated bitch, well I AM one right now. 'Cos I put in my sweat & blood here, worked real hard, stayed back late on countless nights working my ass off to only here - Thank you so much for being of help !  The only girl I see getting some form of appreciation at work, is this chic who happens to be the only senior at work, taking home a reduced pay package. They can't afford to lose her 'cos she's been multi-tasking and taking up a lot of shit that they have to offer. Then we have the "Hairy Penguin" (I'll explain this exclusively unique living & breathing being in a different post). I think she'd act as the most inspiring person to all those guys who participate in the "YO MAMA" contest. Apparently, this woman doesn't think of anything else beyond food & work. I'd say sex, but she already confessed to a few girls the other day that she's saving herself up for the right man to come along. With that huge hairy body & face and glutton like appetite, I am sure she has no choice but to save herself up. I'd play Vanessa William's - Save the best for last, at her wedding, If that should take place in this lifetime. She never has a problem taking extra work and staying back till the wee hours of morning. She's what I call the "Silent whiner". These are employees who fully participate and never back out from those dinner time gossip sessions. They even go to great lengths to drag the conversation all the way to the pantry. "Ah, a fresh cup of coffee. So, don't you think our manager's acting like a total bitch ? But guess what ? I am so content with just bitching about her most times, I will not do anything about it, whatsoever, and continue to grow my ass bigger by staying  late everyday with no compensation".

This place is getting to frustrate me more with every passing day. If only people in our department were a little considerate and took a look at other employees, besides Alvin and the Chipmunks. Dear God ! I hope you read this. I know technology holds no wall between us. But seriously, I hope you read this and help me get a better job some day soon :(

Cheers !

'Technically', My first post !

I am so in the mood to let out my frustrations right now and what better way to start than a "Woman". Most women might hate me for saying this, but let's face it ! We're very capable of driving people off the wall.

My problem starts with this so called "friendships". BFF's, best girl pal, bum-chums (what a gross term, If you think of it Hah!) and so on. I've never been the kind to maintain friendships on a serious note, probably 'cos I never found the right kind of friend or maybe, simply because I didn't stay put in one place to concentrate enough. I've always faced this issue with past beau's telling me that I, surprisingly, don't have any gf's. I went through my phone list and noticed - THIS IS SO TRUE ! But wait ! I've got to start somewhere. Why not - Work place !

This chic, right outta college, joined our work place. Seemed like a nice person. Bubbly, vivacious, overly-talkative etc I disliked her a lot, initially. But then I thought to myself, what's the harm in giving it a try? She was being nice and asking too many dumb questions. So, we're good pals now. What I failed to understand was, how am I supposed to keep up with the pace at which her conversations flow ? What are the things that most girls would wanna talk about ? BF's or Men ! This chic has an immature, overly possessive and highly insecure boyfriend, who apparently has temper problems bigger than the size of his dick(Wild guess :D). Since I am the new gf in her life, obviously, she had to narrate the whole epic drama of her personal trauma. It all seemed so cool initally, to be able to listen to someone, hear them out and sympathise. My problem started when I was given these daily dosages of her "BF PMS". I love peace and quiet. I love the calm serenity that an ordinary day exudes. Now, to suddenly imagine all that being shaken up by a voice that's constantly bickering about a so called "BF", who I don't know (I don't even wish to know) and to keep nodding with a persistent look of approval, was something NEW. Out of the Ordinary !

Soon the conversations switched from her bf to all the guys she's gotten laid with. What followed after that was, blow by blow description of bedroom intimacies and random fuck buddies with exotic names. Don't get me wrong, I am very open minded to not JUDGE people for the choices they make. But, I guess I wasn't really interested to know a random "A" guy and then a random "B" guy. And then to remind you of "B" guy in a subsequent conversation (Oh ! They're all somehow connected) and expecting me to remember their names, was insane. Now, the story changes from these random guys to even more random people, who've boned somebody, in some part of the city, that I don't even know. I think I can randomly recall over 10 different names of people I have never met in my life; Who must be leading some sad existence, in some part of the city and I know their names. Whew ! This is where my patience is put to test. I tried to ask her and reason out sometimes, if I really had to KNOW what she was going to say. She says - Yes you have to. I asked, 'Why ?'. The answer - 'Cos I wanna share this story. Hmmm, not too convincing. And she has this bad habit of cutting people off in the middle of the conversation and connecting the dots from your topic to some sad part of her story.

 After all this, I am still here wondering why have I failed at maintaining a good female friend. I'm not saying that male friends are any better, are smarter or have better things to talk about. But, this is insane. I think these are the situations that teach a person to become "Sarcastic". I've been blamed of being sarcastic. Well, Mea Culpa, but I don't see any point in having these meaningless friendships where all that the other person is looking for, is a wall to talk to. I can be a wall, after all, but not the kind where you spew your everyday trash.

Having said that, I still hope to find a good friend someday ! You know, the kinds who're really good friends?! So much for trying to be a good friend !

P.S. I'll be dropping this chic off soon. I don't wanna end up being electrocuted in the distant future for undergoing severe brain damage.

Finally ! A place of my own to release the everyday frustration and surprises that life throws.

This blog is meant for venting out concerns. I haven't planned on how to execute it. But, I'm hoping to figure it out. I also hope that the familiar crowd within my radar never gets their eyes on it, 'cos they're gonna be the one's I'll be "bitching" about. Or, even If they find it, somehow, then Welcome to your personality analysis blog !