The "Hairy" Penguin

This is no penguin I'm talking of here. Just another ordinary human being with an extra-ordinary appetitie for food and gossip. I am talking of none other than a colleague, who manages to piss me off more than anyone, by her long -never-getting-to-the-point conversations. She loves beating around the bush, come to your cubicle and suddenly start a conversation about 'office politics', right when you order some delicious cheese burst Pizza or barbecued chicken. Even on days when I experience the munchies and open the wrapper off of my chocolate bar, she's there !

You might wonder why call her a Penguin, those beautiful endangered creatures of the snow ? She was very fond of a penguin name mentioned in a movie called "Mr. Popper's Penguins" - Gentoo. I don't really know If It's "GEN-too" or "JEN-too". But nevertheless, It's a friggin' funny name. She kept repeating that name like atleast a dozen times in one of her conversations and VOILA ! It was invented. I  just personalize and call her - Gentoo. 

Round & stout, approximately 5'2 inches, pronounced tummy, lots of hair (not just on the scalp, mind you) and pink bunny shoes with multi-colored socks. That's our lady ! One of the most slowest and hard working employees of our department, who seldom get's any appreciation for it and is still, like the rock of Gibraltar, patiently giving in more input without much output.

My problem with her? Nothing ! That's the problem I guess. Well, No ! This isn't really a problem but I think It's very disturbing to see her not paying any attention to her body. Especially, the face. She has a nice chubby face which is covered with hair all over. I'm talking moustache, cheeks, eye brows and white heads. Seriously ! I always ask myself in the head, what is stopping these women from paying a few bucks on self maintenance? Then there are those days when the deodorant simply fails. You should sue those ad agencies for giving you wrong hopes on publicizing the message of "Reduced body odor" on TV, radio, etc How can they let down people with problems. Real big problems !

Another thing I find annoying about this person. She simply can't find her way to the point ! Why do conversations and every message she has to send across turns out to be a case of going round the Mulberry bush ? You ask her how to resolve "A" and she take you on a time travel by offering a free tour of the "Why "A" should be the solution. Some people really test your patience, you know. And you have to sublimate your sinister thoughts of grabbing the nearest object and landing a blow on their comprehensive brain, erupting with those zig zag, puzzled thinking.

If there's one thing I would like to strongly advise women, through this small platform, It would be to just take a break, make an hour's worth of time for yourself during any given day and go to a beauty saloon. It doesn't cost much to make yourself look... more CIVILIZED? You don't need those extra hair growing under your arms like a man. They're better off with it. Let's not copy their style. Those legs CAN look sexy If you try. For starters, you can get a razors. Most of the population is blessed with fully functional nostrils. Don't you women just love spending some EXTRA-long time in the shower ? It's fun. It's pampering your senses, It's bringing out the divine Goddess in you... Unleash the power ! Okay ! In short - It's fun to bathe. So, get that razor on and pour some exotic Elemi scented shower gel on your loofas and get going. Hope this in some ways helps reduce the amount of unwanted hair on human body.

P.S. Forgot to add, Bleaching works good for facial hair. FYI. 

STOP GIVING THESE POOR ANIMALS A COMPLEX AND GET A SHAVE !

Office Poli'TICKS' me off

This is probably one of the reasons why, I guess, Radiohead's song - Creep - peaked to popularity, especially amongst the depressed, frustrated and rejected. And Metal community is experiencing a rise in their fan following.

I've never experienced "Office politics", until I joined my current employer, almost a year ago. Nice place, fun crowd, friendly people all around and a women-dominated surrounding. I used to think that working at a place dominated by women is a GOOD thing. They're going to be more sympathetic and understanding. But wait ! That's not true at all. Oh well ! Looking at most of their faces, they ought to feel lucky to have a guy just take a look at 'em. No kidding !

My problems started when two chipmunks outta college joined our department. I, personally, have nothing against them. But, ever since these two made it to work with us, women in the managerial positions have been acting crazy. These two dipshits are always talking, eating, farting (It's a natural human tendency, I know they do) and passing on one liners at them. This scores them brownie points in trying to convince the managers to take extra days off, walk into the office late like every alternate day and worse of all, get those monthly appreciation awards. Some of us haven't even been nominated for almost 11 months now and these two just walk in and grab a monetary voucher every now and then.

Naturally, I must be sounding like a frustrated bitch, well I AM one right now. 'Cos I put in my sweat & blood here, worked real hard, stayed back late on countless nights working my ass off to only here - Thank you so much for being of help !  The only girl I see getting some form of appreciation at work, is this chic who happens to be the only senior at work, taking home a reduced pay package. They can't afford to lose her 'cos she's been multi-tasking and taking up a lot of shit that they have to offer. Then we have the "Hairy Penguin" (I'll explain this exclusively unique living & breathing being in a different post). I think she'd act as the most inspiring person to all those guys who participate in the "YO MAMA" contest. Apparently, this woman doesn't think of anything else beyond food & work. I'd say sex, but she already confessed to a few girls the other day that she's saving herself up for the right man to come along. With that huge hairy body & face and glutton like appetite, I am sure she has no choice but to save herself up. I'd play Vanessa William's - Save the best for last, at her wedding, If that should take place in this lifetime. She never has a problem taking extra work and staying back till the wee hours of morning. She's what I call the "Silent whiner". These are employees who fully participate and never back out from those dinner time gossip sessions. They even go to great lengths to drag the conversation all the way to the pantry. "Ah, a fresh cup of coffee. So, don't you think our manager's acting like a total bitch ? But guess what ? I am so content with just bitching about her most times, I will not do anything about it, whatsoever, and continue to grow my ass bigger by staying  late everyday with no compensation".

This place is getting to frustrate me more with every passing day. If only people in our department were a little considerate and took a look at other employees, besides Alvin and the Chipmunks. Dear God ! I hope you read this. I know technology holds no wall between us. But seriously, I hope you read this and help me get a better job some day soon :(

Cheers !

'Technically', My first post !

I am so in the mood to let out my frustrations right now and what better way to start than a "Woman". Most women might hate me for saying this, but let's face it ! We're very capable of driving people off the wall.

My problem starts with this so called "friendships". BFF's, best girl pal, bum-chums (what a gross term, If you think of it Hah!) and so on. I've never been the kind to maintain friendships on a serious note, probably 'cos I never found the right kind of friend or maybe, simply because I didn't stay put in one place to concentrate enough. I've always faced this issue with past beau's telling me that I, surprisingly, don't have any gf's. I went through my phone list and noticed - THIS IS SO TRUE ! But wait ! I've got to start somewhere. Why not - Work place !

This chic, right outta college, joined our work place. Seemed like a nice person. Bubbly, vivacious, overly-talkative etc I disliked her a lot, initially. But then I thought to myself, what's the harm in giving it a try? She was being nice and asking too many dumb questions. So, we're good pals now. What I failed to understand was, how am I supposed to keep up with the pace at which her conversations flow ? What are the things that most girls would wanna talk about ? BF's or Men ! This chic has an immature, overly possessive and highly insecure boyfriend, who apparently has temper problems bigger than the size of his dick(Wild guess :D). Since I am the new gf in her life, obviously, she had to narrate the whole epic drama of her personal trauma. It all seemed so cool initally, to be able to listen to someone, hear them out and sympathise. My problem started when I was given these daily dosages of her "BF PMS". I love peace and quiet. I love the calm serenity that an ordinary day exudes. Now, to suddenly imagine all that being shaken up by a voice that's constantly bickering about a so called "BF", who I don't know (I don't even wish to know) and to keep nodding with a persistent look of approval, was something NEW. Out of the Ordinary !

Soon the conversations switched from her bf to all the guys she's gotten laid with. What followed after that was, blow by blow description of bedroom intimacies and random fuck buddies with exotic names. Don't get me wrong, I am very open minded to not JUDGE people for the choices they make. But, I guess I wasn't really interested to know a random "A" guy and then a random "B" guy. And then to remind you of "B" guy in a subsequent conversation (Oh ! They're all somehow connected) and expecting me to remember their names, was insane. Now, the story changes from these random guys to even more random people, who've boned somebody, in some part of the city, that I don't even know. I think I can randomly recall over 10 different names of people I have never met in my life; Who must be leading some sad existence, in some part of the city and I know their names. Whew ! This is where my patience is put to test. I tried to ask her and reason out sometimes, if I really had to KNOW what she was going to say. She says - Yes you have to. I asked, 'Why ?'. The answer - 'Cos I wanna share this story. Hmmm, not too convincing. And she has this bad habit of cutting people off in the middle of the conversation and connecting the dots from your topic to some sad part of her story.

 After all this, I am still here wondering why have I failed at maintaining a good female friend. I'm not saying that male friends are any better, are smarter or have better things to talk about. But, this is insane. I think these are the situations that teach a person to become "Sarcastic". I've been blamed of being sarcastic. Well, Mea Culpa, but I don't see any point in having these meaningless friendships where all that the other person is looking for, is a wall to talk to. I can be a wall, after all, but not the kind where you spew your everyday trash.

Having said that, I still hope to find a good friend someday ! You know, the kinds who're really good friends?! So much for trying to be a good friend !

P.S. I'll be dropping this chic off soon. I don't wanna end up being electrocuted in the distant future for undergoing severe brain damage.

Finally ! A place of my own to release the everyday frustration and surprises that life throws.

This blog is meant for venting out concerns. I haven't planned on how to execute it. But, I'm hoping to figure it out. I also hope that the familiar crowd within my radar never gets their eyes on it, 'cos they're gonna be the one's I'll be "bitching" about. Or, even If they find it, somehow, then Welcome to your personality analysis blog !